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November 2009

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charletnarouh in 21months

I wake up in the dark in the small bedroom of the little furnished apartment I am renting. It’s quiet. There’s no noise that would have woken me, but I know why I’m awake. I never know exactly what waits for me when I get these compulsions, feelings, impulses that drive me from place to place, but after so many centuries the details and fine points are inconsequential and the routine has become static anyway. I know why I’m here. It’s what I was created for, designed for. Crafted by the hands of the gods to fulfill this purpose. My gift and my curse.

I sit up and rub my eyes. I swing my legs over the edge of the bed, stretching my back. The mattress here is too firm. It’s always that way in these places, too firm or too soft or too saggy. It’s not like I pick out my homes based on comfort. It’s not like I pick them out at all, actually. I can’t really explain how I end up where I do. It’s the work of the same force that drives me to the different cities and the same force that has me up and out of bed at half past midnight, putting on clothes, and heading the gods knew where.

The feeling, so familiar to me, it’s like a hand on my shoulder, firm, unyielding, forceful, pushing me. It’s the same reason I’m here, in this town, in this apartment. That intangible force that I can’t even name anymore. It makes all the decisions. I am merely its puppet. I might resent this thing that drives me, but it and the desire to accede to its compulsions are so intrinsically a part of my being. My makers, crafty, clever immortals, made it so. It’s part of the design. I was flawlessly crafted to serve my purpose, even in my emotions.

Throughout the centuries, there have been many names for me. Angel, goddess, healer, protector, lover. I am all, and yet, none of these things. I walk and live among mortal humans and they never know I’m any different from them. I wear no halo, and I have no wings that mortal eyes can see. Beyond the force that drives me and my immortal existence, I have no supernatural or god-like power, no magic. Only love.

Disclaimer: This story arc is inspired by a song called "Goddess of Love" by a remarkable artist named Ashley Matte. We sincerely hope she is not offended and that she does not sue us because we have no money. And because we don't want to be sued, of course. At her request, we would, of course, remove all related posts, however that would make us very sad pandas. We do not own the song, the album, or anything relating to our about the artist or make any claim to it at all. Not sure the legalities of all this but she and/or her label or representatives might actually own this story now... Although it should not be implied in any way that this story necessarily reflects any opinions or artistic visions or whatnot of Ashley or her representatives, agents, etc. We've written this solely of our own accord and hope that she is not upset with us! In any case, we're not making any money off this project and hope that she gives it her blessing.